Tales of Love and Woe
by Dead Uchiha
Summary: Love is in the air! Or maybe just in the water supply. The inhabitants of Konoha suddenly find themselves overcome by the need to copulate. Chaos ensues. An attempt to subvert everything sacred in the Narutoverse: multiple pairings,crack. 2 new chapters!
1. Prologue: Shisui's Mission

**Disclaimer: **No infringement is intended. I'm not getting paid.

**Summary: **Love is in the air! Or maybe just in the water supply. The inhabitants of Konoha suddenly find themselves overcome by the need to copulate. Chaos ensues. An attempt to subvert everything sacred in the Narutoverse.

**Dedication:** To my dearest Smurf-chan, with love and O.R.E.O.S.

**Warnings:** This chapter? Crack. **Authoress Insertion**, but only for the prologue and epilogue. This authoress prefers to operate from the shadows.

**Pairings:** As many as I can squeeze into this evil, depraved, malevolent work of crack.

**Spoilers:** Depends on where you are in canon. You've been warned.

**A/N:** This one troubles me, but what the hey? Fortune favors the bold, right? Bear with this note for me, kay? Okay, so I was supposed to write something extremely special for Smurf-chan long, long ago and it had to involve Chouji because she loves him and all, and well, I started writing this INSANE free-for-all brawl scene in which the situation is as messed up as my imagination would allow, but all the funny stuff that I thought about that spun off from the main body of the story seemed so ultimately awesome to try and write that I had to try and write the surrounding details as a part of the story too, which included a form of opening and ending for each character's scenario in the main body, which happened to be titled, **Death by Barbeque**.

The compiled works I have chosen to call, **Tales of Love and Woe**, and each story will appear within, coming together at the climax, which involves Chouji, Ino, and barbeque…and chips. Chips too.

**PS!** This is very important!! I began writing this like 2 years ago so it takes place between the mission to rescue Sasuke at Orochimaru's hide-out, and the next story arc (what was it, Kakuzu and Hidan?). Therefore, Orochimaru is not dead and Sasuke is still with him. I hate stipulations like that in fic writing, but it is necessary at this point because I already altered it to include Sai and I'm not changing it again.

Thank you. Please enjoy.

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**Tales of Love and Woe**

**Prologue: Shisui's Mission**

Once upon a time in the afterlife, there was Dead, an evil authoress who took the pseudonym, Shi, and liked to hang out with dead characters, especially of the Uchiha variety, shamelessly manipulating them to serve her every evil wish. Also upon a time, there was another authoress named Smurf-chan, a member of the infamous authoring group known as the Serialhugger Collective, and who loved Oreos and one, Akimichi Chouji. Shi loved Smurf-chan very much, and decided that she would go to any length to acquire for her the thing which she desired, so Shi conceived of and evil, evil plan and set it into action...

"Okay, Shisui," Shi questioned, "What is your mission?"

Shisui's face fell. He wasn't really all that excited about his mission. "I'm to appear to Uchiha Sasuke at o-bon and--"

"NO! Stupid! I told you! Bon is too early!"

"But o-bon is the festival where the spirits of the dead roam the earth and--"

"No! You will appear to him as the Ghost of Christmas Revenge! I've got a frigging timetable here!!"

"Christmas—what the fuck."

"You will comply or be tortured until your fragile little mind is destroyed."

Shisui pouted. He was very stuck on the idea that only Japanese holidays should be included in a story which is rooted in Japanese tradition, but the authoress, who happened to be about the furthest thing from Japanese as one could get, didn't appear to care.

After a long stand-offish moment of pouting, the evil authoress finally decided to compromise and move on. "Fine. You can pretend it's Bon if you want to that much."

Shisui grit his teeth. "Fine. Whatever. I'm to appear to Uchiha Sasuke and get him to return to Konoha for the love of Uzumaki Naruto."

"YES! But don't say that to him. He'd never agree to it."

"Right."

"So! How will you be getting dear Sasuke-kun to return to Konoha?"

"I'm supposed to tell him that I want to help him with his revenge."

"And why would you want to do a thing like that, Shisui-kun?"

"Because you said I have to."

"NO! TOTAL MORON! Think Sasuke! Why would you want to do such a thing for him!!!"

Shisui sighed. "Because I was murdered by Itachi."

"AND?!"

"And I can never rest until my spirit receives vengeance."

"Yes. Very good. Continue."

"I will see to it he returns to Konoha, and I will poison Uzumaki Naruto with Lusty Badness--"

"Mm! Yes!"

"And then the stage will be set."

"Yes. It will. Mwaha…mwahahaha…mwahahahahahahahaha!"

"You're insane. You know that, right?"

"Shut up! Tell me about phase two!!"

Shisui sighed. "Phase two will involve the death of Akimichi Chouji, because--"

"Because why!"

"Stop cutting me off!"

"You mind your mouth when talking to me, vermin!"

Shisui didn't want to waste time arguing. "Because…" It was best to just do what she said. "Smurf has requested him."

"Yes. And what will happen to Shisui should I fail to provide the dead soul of Akimichi Chouji as per her request?"

"I'll be tortured and tortured until the end of eternity and beyond."

"Ha! No. You will be anally raped with the splintered, poisoned penises of Sasori's 100 puppets until I am satisfied."

"WHAT?!?"

"You heard me. Now! Let's check your equipment! One Plot-Hole-Device?"

What the fuck. "Check."

"One vile of Lusty Badness?"

What a bitch. "Check."

"One bag of Barbeque Chips?"

Shisui fucking hated her, but he had no choice but to oblige. Whatever Shi wanted, she was sure to somehow get. "Check."

"Well, okay! You're all set! I'm putting my faith in you, Shisui-kun. Don't let me down. Get Sasuke-kun back to Konoha, A.S.A.P.! Got it!?"

"Yes."

"Good! Get the fuck out of here and don't come back without Chouji-kun! I must have his soul, you hear?! I will deliver his dead soul to Smurf-chan or you will pay! YOU HEAR? YOU! WILL! PAAAAAAY!!"

"Whatever." Shisui brought out the plot-hole-device and pushed the big red button it and was magically whisked away into the Narutoverse to set about his mission, and as he disappeared into the vortex, malicious, maniacal laughter ensued.

"MWAHA! MWAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA…!"

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(Continued…)

**Next time:** The Ghost of Christmas Revenge


	2. Chapter 1:The Ghost of Christmas Revenge

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement is intended. I'm not getting paid.

**Summary: **Love is in the air! Or maybe just in the water supply. The inhabitants of Konoha suddenly find themselves overcome by the need to copulate. Chaos ensues. An attempt to subvert everything sacred in the Narutoverse.

**Warnings:** This chapter? Crack.

**A.N.: **And thus the story begins. Let the chaos ensue. From here on out, Shisui will be the only questionable addition to the cast. Thank you. Please enjoy.

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**Tales of Love and Woe **

**Chapter 1: The Ghost of Christmas Revenge**

Uchiha Sasuke lay in bed...well, actually it was more of a cold, hard stone slab rather than a bed but whatever. Anyways he was fully clothed, unfortunately, and holding his katana at the ready, when Uchiha Shisui appeared in the room.

Shisui moaned, "UUUUUUchihaaaaa Saaaasukeeeee…" in an overly dramatic, haunting voice.

Sasuke lay there perfectly still. "Who are you, and why are you in my chamber," he droned.

"I'm your dead cousin Shisui," Shisui said, "I want to help with your revenge."

Sasuke rolled over and swung his sword right through where Shisui's neck would have been had he been solid. When the blade passed right through and Shisui's head didn't fly off, Sasuke sheathed his sword and glared, "Okay. Keep talking."

"You have to go back to Konoha."

"No," Sakuke declared obstinately. "I'm finished with them."

What a pain in the ass, Shisui thought. Oh well, he didn't expect it would be overly easy to get the little brat to do anything except what _he_ wanted, so Shisui decided to entice him with the only thing he seemed passionate about. Power. "No you're not. You have to see the secret-secret scroll." That would get his attention.

"What secret-secret scroll," Sasuke questioned flatly.

There was no secret-secret scroll, but Shisui needed to get him to the Nakano Shrine as quickly as possible and he didn't give a fuck what he had to do to get him there. "The one that's hidden in the Nakano Shrine."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and tapped his sheath. "I saw that already."

Shit. Think fast. "No, I mean the _other_ one."

Sasuke didn't look like he believed him. "There's another one."

"Yes," Shisui asserted.

"Where?"

"I have to show you."

"You're full of shit. Fuck off."

"I swear it's a really good one! You just have to go there because I can only appear to you because you are the avatar of my revenge, so you have to go there for me to show you. Why would I lie? You should be thanking me! I'm trying to help you!" Shisui decided to pull back a bit and see if the prey was taking the bait. He feigned fatigue and moaned, "Oh…! I'm getting weaker…ugh…!"

"So if I go there, you'll be there and you'll show me where this secret-secret scroll is?"

Sweet. It was working somehow. "Yes…ugh…so weak…"

"Fine. I'll go. But it better be worth it."

"Oh…it wiiill be," Shisui moaned, disappearing into the shadows, "It _wiiiiiill_ be…"

Sasuke didn't have anything in the world that couldn't be carried on his back, so he walked out of Orochimaru's compound and made a beeline towards Konoha.

Shisui, in the meantime, had to make an appearance of sorts at Naruto's apartment…

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(Continued…)

**Next time:** Sasuke Back


	3. Chapter 2: Sasuke Back

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement is intended. I'm not getting paid.

**Warnings:** MFG! A **Song Fic**!? (OO) Oh noes! This isn't really a really real song fic, but it is, sorta…kinda. Whatever.

**A/N:** So, I had to do this. I had to, not just for Smurf-chan, but for me. I just had to. For real, I can totally picture this happening. Also, I owe a prop to TYF for inspiring my semi-humorous obsession with writing song-fics with her story **Get Well Soon**. (See: Sexy Bugs)

So anyways, this is the last chapter posted tonight, but if anyone cares I'll have another one up pretty soon. Not that I expect many have gotten this far…but whatever. Thank you. Please enjoy.

* * *

**Sasuke Back**

When Shisui arrived at Naruto's apartment, Naruto stood over a pot at the stove. The radio was playing and he was shaking his ass to and fro.

"I'm bringin' Sasuke back! Believe it! Them other boys they don't know how to act! Believe it! I think it's special, what's behind your back! Believe it! So turn around and I'll pick up the slack! Believe it—" Naruto spun around and saw Shisui standing behind him and screamed like a girl, then performed kagebunshin and attacked.

Shisui was barely able to stifle the uproarious laughter that was ready to burst out. What a fucking moron. He stood there giggling as the kagebunshin dove at him, collided, and popped each other. "Hahahey now, calm down," Shisui laughed.

Naruto roared and went in for the kill with a rasengan, but ended up just putting a hole in the wall. He searched around in a rage for the medium controlling the supposed 'bunshin' who'd just apparently overheard him singing...that. "I'm gonna friggin' kill you, you bastard! Believe it!"

Shisui laughed, "Dude, I'm a ghost," but Naruto didn't care. He kept attacking and Shisui didn't even try to defend. "Look man! That aint gonna work! I'm not solid! I'm a soul!"

Naruto stopped swinging and blinked. "Huh?"

"I'm a spirit! Not a real person! You can never hit me!"

"Oh, I'll get you! Believe it!" Naruto tried to attack him again.

"No! Moron! You know what? Fine. Then I won't tell you how to bring Sasuke back."

That got Naruto's attention. "Sasuke? What?!?" He stopped swinging and put down his knife. "I'm bringing him back no matter what! Believe it!"

"Yes. I know. You've made it abundantly clear. But, are you sure you wouldn't like a little help?"

"What do you mean? Who are you? Why would you want to help me?"

"Because." Shisui flashed his Sharingan at him.

"Whoa! You've got Sharingan!"

"Yes. I'm-"

"How did you get Sharingan if all the Uchiha are dead?"

"Because I_ am_ dead! Like I said before! Dumb-ass!"

"Oh."

Shisui sighed. "So do you want me to help you bring Sasuke back, or what?"

Naruto smiled brightly. "Okay!"

"Okay then. Look, here's what you have to do…"

Shisui huddled up with Naruto and whispered sweet nothings—I mean the plan to bring Sasuke back in his ear. Every now and then, Naruto would giggle because Shisui's soft, warm breath would tickle the tiny hairs on his earlobe. Wait, Shisui was dead and therefore had no breath…so what the fuck was Naruto giggling about?!?

* * *

(Continued…) 

**Next time:** Stalking Naruto


	4. Chapter 3: Stalking Naruto

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement is intended. I'm not getting paid.

**A.N.: **Wow! A whole 12 people made it to chapter 3!!! Sigh. Well, I didn't expect many to get past the prologue. People are fickle like that. Shrug. See, I've been working on keeping each chapter to a certain point of view, so there are quite a few chapters in this piece of tomfoolery. Hee hee. The real story is actually just getting started. Well, thanks to all who actually read this far.

Oh yeah! I guess I failed to mention that this story is inspired by **From the Floppy Called Subversive**by **Serialhugger**, which is, of course, in my favorites. 'Lusty Badness', 'fear of boy bands', 'smooth peanut butter' and 'plot-hole-devices', are all craftily borrowed from Smurf.

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**Stalking Naruto**

Naruto followed the shadowy figure through the night, over to the creepy side of town, and through the 'DO NOT CROSS' tape that crisscrossed the entrance to the old Uchiha district. None of the villagers liked to go there because, well, everyone that lived there was dead.

They went through the creepy, empty neighborhood, and out into the creepy woods and down a creepy path that lead to the old, creepy shrine by the river, and when they got to the shrine, the shadowy figure led Naruto inside.

Lucky for Hinata she had x-ray vision.

They went over to the far side of the room and moved one of the tatami and went down some stairs that led to some sort of creepy underground chamber. She followed them, quiet as a mouse, as soon as they were out of sight, and stood at a good spot to peek down on them with her Byakugan. She watched intently as Naruto lit some torches on the wall and rummaged around in the corner by the alter.

"Behind the tapestry," the shadowy figure said. "The fifth stone from the floor."

Naruto went to that spot and rubbed the wall and a secret door opened. "Hey, whadaya know! It worked!" He reached inside and pulled out an object. "A scroll?"

"Pull off the cap."

It was only a case for a scroll. When Naruto pulled off the cap, a vile fell out and it almost smashed on the floor, but he reflexively snatched it before it could. Naruto was so cool…

"Oops! Heh heh, sorry about that."

"Just drink it."

Naruto held the small glass vile in his hand and studied it. "Will it really do what you say it will?"

"Yes. It will. Just drink it."

Naruto seemed worried. "I'm not sure this is a good idea…"

"I thought you wanted Sasuke back? This will surely do that for you."

Naruto stared down for another minute, then pulled out the dropper and put it to his tongue.

The shadowy figure rubbed his hands together, "That's it. There you go…"

All of a sudden, a breeze blew by Hinata and ran down the stairs to the chamber. Whoever it was that streaked by took no notice of her standing there, so she continued to watch as the events unfolded below...

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(Continued…)

Next time: Sasuke Back Again


	5. Chapter 4: Sasuke Back Again

**Disclaimer: **No copyright infringement is intended. I'm not getting paid.

**A.N.:** And so it begins…

* * *

**Sasuke Back Again**

Ha ha ha. Phase one complete. Well, almost. But if the timing was right…

Sasuke burst into the room and saw orange and drew his sword. "Naruto…!?"

Naruto was stunned. "Sasuke…?!"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sasuke looked around and glared at Shisui.

"I tried to stop him!" Shisui lied. "He wouldn't listen!"

Sasuke looked back at Naruto, then at the empty scroll case, and then at the vile in Naruto's hands. "Give me that," he demanded.

"What, this?" Naruto examined the vile in his hand.

"Give it to me now. Dunce."

Naruto held out the vile, flat on the palm of his hand. "Take it."

Sasuke reached for it, but Naruto snatched it away and hit Sasuke in the face.

Shisui cringed. _That_ wasn't supposed to happen…he didn't think…

Sasuke glared daggers at Naruto for a brief, shocked moment, then quickly lunged in retaliation.

Naruto turned and dashed up the stairs and Sasuke hurried after. It looked like Naruto was going to get it when Sasuke got a hold if him.

Shisui stood briefly pondering the strange turn of events before he floated up through the floor and followed them. They were down by the river when he caught up, almost at the spot where he had drowned. It was pretty nostalgic to tell the truth.

Sasuke caught Naruto right at the bottom of the hill and they went tumbling toward river. The Lusty Badness tumbled from Naruto's hand and hit a rock right at the edge of the water, shattering the vile.

Shisui's mouth fell agape. Oh, what the fuck. How the fuck was he supposed to—

"NARUTO YOU FUCKING MORON!" Sasuke punched Naruto in the mouth two, three, four, five times, and then crawled over and tried to salvage what he could of the potion. He picked up what was left of the vile and tipped back his head to catch whatever tiny amount remained.

Well, shit, Shisui thought, there had to have been a good reason why his master had seen fit to shatter the vile…in the river…which just happened to flow right through Konoha…

Oh…oh no…

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(Continued…) 

Next time: Stalking Naruto Some More


	6. Chapter 6: Stalking Naruto Some More

Stalking Naruto Some More

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

**A/N: **Welcome to the next chapter!

* * *

**Stalking Naruto Some More**

Hinata didn't know what to do when Naruto came barreling up the stairs and right passed her out the door and into the night. Sasuke flew by right behind him. His shirt was open, and Hinata's keen vision absorbed each nuanced swell of muscle on his bare torso as he streaked passed in what seemed like slow motion. It was over in a flash, and Hinata found herself awestruck by what she was witnessing.

Then it occurred to her that since Sasuke had tried to kill Naruto before, it was likely that he might do so again and she'd be damned if she was just going to sit by and watch it happen!

She ran toward them calling, "Naruto-kun!" but neither of them paid her any attention. They were too absorbed in what they were doing. It was in that moment that Hinata actually registered what they were doing and stopped dead in her tracks.

Naruto was tearing Sasuke's shirt off…

And Sasuke was…sucking and licking…

Oh, holy shit, Hinata thought.

They're…

She couldn't tear her eyes from them if she tried.

Lean, muscled bodies…grinding together…lips… tongues…wet kisses…

Oh wow…

It was just too hot to describe. Poor Hinata just didn't know what to do with herself.

That was about when she passed out.

And when she woke up they were done fucking and had gone home. Damn it. Probably to fuck some more.

Damn it! Why!?

Right when Hinata was about to actually get violent and destroy something, Neji dropped in from above.

"Lady Hinata! Where have you been? We started a search party!"

What? Like she couldn't pass-out out in the open sometimes and lay there for—

"It's been days! We thought you were dead!" Neji's hair looked unnaturally shiny and…flowy…"Oh! Lady Hinata!" Neji crushed her in his arms and held her, gently petting her hair, "Thank goodness you're safe!"

Hinata thought it was pretty weird having her cousin—well, technically, genetically her half-brother—holding her the way she always dreamed of Naruto holding her. What the fuck.

It had to have been Gai's influence. Taught him wrong, he did.

And people thought_ she_ was weird.


	7. Chapter 7: There's Something About Gai

**A.N.: And here's another chapter for Smurfy! I know, it seems like this fic has nothing to do with Chouji…but trust me, I'm getting to it. :3**

* * *

**  
There's Something About Gai**

Gai was straight. Or so he thought. That is, except when Kakashi was around. He would definitely fuck Kakashi given the opportunity, he thought.

Fuck him hard too.

Because for some reason, Gai always found himself searching to find the firm, round globes that he knew were hiding somewhere in the baggy ass of Kakashi's work pants.

Oh god…he wanted to fuck Kakashi so bad…

So bad, in fact, his tights were tenting even as he leaped through the trees.

Oh…Kakashi was going to get it when he found him.

Well…maybe…if he went for it.

Gai hadn't quite decided whether or not he could bring himself to finally confess his bountiful, beautiful love. And to his rival no less.

Though he cursed himself a coward, he decided to wait and watch Kakashi a while when he found him--to give his dick time to calm down.

What else was he supposed to do? Just bust in out of nowhere, scream 'I love you!', and whip out his rock hard cock? That wouldn't be suave at all!

He needed to play it cool.

Especially with Kakashi.

His ultimate rival.

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****

(Continued…)

**Next up: The Gay Conspiracy! **


	8. Chapter 8: The Gay Conspiracy

**A.N.:** Please don't smack me Smurf! About the peanut butter... :D

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****

The Gay Conspiracy

_Gay, gay! ALL GAY! ALL OF THEM! EVERYONE IS GAY! GAY! ALL GAAAAY!_

Well, maybe not EVERY one, but Sakura was kind of having a tiny nervous breakdown. Well, inner Sakura at least.

You see, it seemed that, well, something had gotten into the water or something because she was SURE that the ratio of gay to straight was a little more lopsided than it should be in the natural world and that was compounded by the fact that the lopsidedness had only occurred on the male side of the equation.

It was unnatural damn it!! How the fuck was she supposed to find someone to fuck when all the men, especially the good ones, wouldn't have anything to do with the female side of the species??

Okay, so she could accept the fact that Sasuke had turned out gay. One could just see that one coming. It was a bit saddening, but she couldn't blame him for what had happened to him as a child. Actually, she sort of chided herself for not seeing it sooner. She'd seen his top-secret medical files…mental and sexual abuse…anal stitches…and then Orochimaru…oh god… poor thing! Of course he was gay! That was fine though. She was over it. He sort of creeped her out now anyways. Since he tried to stab her and all…

BUT NARUTO TOO?

NARUTO LIKED GIRLS! NARUTO LIKED HER! He told her! Many times! He always asked her out on dates and always used all the proper innuendo! Everything about him screamed that he liked pussy!! Heck! He was practically the most male, male she'd ever seen!

Well, except for when he transformed into a female…

Okay, so that was a little weird…

Always turning into a woman so he could…seduce…men…

Okay, so maybe he was gay all along.

Yeah. Okay. He did always say weird things about guys being good looking. And then there was his whole obsession with Sasuke, which she had admit was pretty…gay.

That was what pissed her off though. She'd finally started to move on, and was getting sort of used to all of Naruto's pursuing. Heck, she kind of liked it, and she was beginning to like him too, even though she didn't want to admit it. And Sasuke had to show up out of frigging nowhere and push Naruto over the gay edge right when she was about to finally maybe try offering him a nice little piece of the pink!

What the fuck! And it wasn't like there were many more guys to choose from either!

Sai? Gay. There was no argument there. He was sort of good looking because of his resemblance to Sasuke, but when compared side by side there was actually no comparison who was hotter. She didn't really give a crap about Sai or his sexuality anyways because, quite frankly, he was a social retard. Even more so than Naruto, and Naruto had probably the best excuse for his lack of social skills, so Sai was out of the running. No big deal.

Shikamaru? Oh no. No way. Shikamaru, thankfully, was of no interest to her. It was clear that he and Temari had a thing going on and that was fine. Sakura actually didn't really like the idea of not being able to outsmart a lover anyways, and Shikamaru, well, he was just too whiny for her taste. So no luck there. No problem.

Kiba?

Sakura had to pause to throw up in her mouth a little. Everyone knew that Kiba wasn't really interested in the female side of any species…or so she'd heard.

Ew. Just ew. Who would do such a thing?! With their DOG?!

It made her want to wretch and die.

And she had seen him at the market buying smooth peanut butter too. How fucking gross.

Okay, so anyways, that left a few options, but still, it was futile, she knew.

Shino? Well, honestly, she had no proof that he was gay, but he had bugs and bugs were not sexy. At all. Ever. Ew. Creepy crawlies equals yuck.

There was always Lee…and it was obvious that he had a rather big dick from the tight little tights he was always wearing, but Sakura just couldn't bring herself to go there under any circumstance. Plus, she could tell that Tenten had a crush on Lee and she felt that Lee at least deserved to have someone who was apparently turned on by green spandex jumpsuits. She personally could not bear it. It was a flaw that she could not accept no matter how big the dick was that was packed into them.

So that left his teammate Neji. Neji was hot. But he was gay. That's all there was to it. He had to be. She saw the way he always smiled at Naruto whenever she saw him when no one was looking. And even if by some slim chance he wasn't gay, he would probably have to marry his cousin or something for the bloodline. Hyuuga always acted like royalty anyways. They were a powerful clan and had lots of money. That and they kept their ranks firmly from within.

Poor Hinata. How pathetic she was…

Anyways, Neji was out because he was permanently unavailable.

Next there was Gaara, and first of all he was Kazekage, so no. Secondly he was quite insane and had nearly squished her with a giant sand hand. Like she was ever hooking up with him! Yeah right!

Besides, she knew that Gaara had a thing for Naruto.

You know what?

Why the fuck did everybody have to want to fuck Naruto?

OMG! Maybe it was him! Maybe he was what had turned the collective of suitable males in the village gay!

Oh well, even if that was true it still didn't solve her dilemma. It just made her more pissed off.

She needed an acceptable guy to fuck and pronto! Damn it!

Wait…wait a minute…if there was no one to fuck in her own age bracket…she'd just have to find someone older…more mature…

A face popped into her mind.

It made her feel dirty…and bad…and hot and ready at the same time…

Kakashi…

Oh Kakashi...

* * *

**(Continued…)**

**Next time: Icha Icha Kakashi! **


End file.
